“Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” *

Is it sunrise or sunset?

When I checked the headlines for what is going on in the world I found little to comment upon because the stories had limited interest. I mean, do you really want to know if the offensive behavior Anthony Wiener exhibits is some form of addiction or whether he can still be an effective big city mayor despite this affliction? Are people really interested in the new prince or were they more concerned with how they did in the company pool on his name? Is anyone following the travels of Pope Francis and do people really care that he goes into poor neighborhoods or are they more interested in how long Edward Snowden is going to remain in a Moscow airport?

At one point in time it seemed to matter whether or not people elected to office did something or not, but not anymore. As nearly everyone knows the current legislators find they get greater support when they promise not to allow the other side to do something than when they actually propose to do something. A perfect example is sequestration. By failing to take action Congress allowed a plan everyone agreed was too hideous to tolerate to go into effect.

Hint: We live on the West Coast.

In a recent, completely non-scientific (because all the stuff I think is science is completely discounted by those with different political views) poll, I asked friends (all of whom claim to be voters, even though my non-scientific data says less than half of Americans ever vote) what the main crisis facing our country was. With only one exception they concluded it was politics. One anonymous source told me, “All of those politicians are beholding to somebody. If somebody gives them money, they expect something in return.” Now, that seems reasonable, but is that the way a democracy is supposed to operate.

Again, applying those same non-scientific principles to the problem I asked them a follow up question. What is the solution? Without one exception they said the answer was to get rid of the lying politicians. While it sounded simple my non-scientific data tells me each of them voted for our Congressman, a twenty-two year veteran of the House, who ran to end career politicians from taking office.

All Photos Courtesy of Debbie Does Photography.

There seems to be some unmistakable logic at work here. First, there is the assumption my friends, or for that matter any voter, can tell when a politician is lying. One friend told me if the politician’s lips are moving she or he is lying. Using this hypothesis there is little doubt the one who takes the most photos, shakes the most hands and kisses the most babies without ever uttering a word is the best candidate for public office. Needless to say, this would make Anthony Wiener a viable next mayor of New York City.

So, like telling sunrises from sunsets in photos taken over unfamiliar geographical locations by anonymous photographers, the probability for error is at least equal to the correct response. But, as the song also asks, “Does anybody really care?”

*Special Thanks to Chicago. 

Its Simple Beauty Keeps Me In Line

The plumeria greets everyone who comes to my house.

Sometimes I have this strange capacity to take myself too seriously. Fortunately, every day I look out the window, where I sit typing away on my computer and I see the splendor of nature. Twice a year the plumeria tree that guards my front door fills its branches with blossoms saturated with the fragrance of heaven. During these two stretches of time, whenever I leave or return home I am compelled to place my nostrils close to these flowers and inhale the aroma that soothes my soul. In this fashion I can easily turn away from thoughts of contemptuous laws that allow southern gentlemen, no longer able to lynch those they despise because of their difference in sound and appearance, to kill the same in the name of self defense.

My plumeria shows not the slightest interest or concern about the teenagers and young adults wearing hoodies that pass on the street or sidewalk. While the white petals congregate around a yellow center, the plant does not demonstrate any preference for those with peach, almond, olive, cinnamon, or chocolate colored skin. Nor does it seem to care whether the hooded individual is carrying a skateboard or favors a zip-up from Abercrombie over a Billabong pullover.

The aroma of its flowers is intoxicating.

During the fifteen years I’ve walked past the tree, it never once asked me for any form of documentation. It has probably witnessed hundreds, if not thousands, of groundskeepers, landscapers, tree trimmers, cement layers, house painters, electricians, plumbers, roofers, and solicitors speaking with various accents and in different languages, not all of which are English or Spanish, and again, failed to seek proof of anyone’s citizenship. My guess is laying all of its fallen leaves end to end is more likely to provide a path to citizenship for those hard working souls than a bunch of pandering politicians in Washington.

Confident in its stature among the plant world, the plumeria never gives the cost of tuition, student loan rates or the size of the national debt a second thought. No concern over the conversations the birds carry on or whether they’re worthy of a drone or any other tactic Big Brother does in the name of security. Without the slightest regard for what Mr. Jefferson wrote twelve score years ago or what the latest interpretation of what his contemporaries meant when they put forth the Constitution, it stands a true symbol of freedom and liberty.

Enjoying a satirical moment together.

So, whenever I get the sense or nonsense to take myself seriously, I just look out my window at the beautiful plumeria and smile. Safe in the knowledge the pen is mightier than the sword, or the modern version: the pixel is more powerful than the handgun; I feel no compulsion to stand my ground. Those yellow and white flowers will keep me in line.

  

Take My Wife… Please

Still looking ahead to the next anniversary.

The most well known line of the master of one-liners, Henny Youngman, was, “Take my wife…please.” It drew a laugh every time he delivered it, even though Youngman was married to the same woman for 58 years. While his craft was considered comedy, many of his lines, like the one above, deserve a seat in the world of satire.  If he and Sadie were anything like Debbie and I, who will celebrate our 28^th wedding anniversary tomorrow, they would be lost without each other.

For as long as I can remember, and probably long before that, wives, and for that matter, husbands, have been the fodder of nearly every comedian. Endless jokes about bad breath, body odor, flatulence, dirty laundry, saggy breasts and bellies, butt cracks, and other embarrassing phenomenon are told about spouses. Based upon the ridicule heaped upon marriage it is amazing the divorce rate isn’t higher.

Hanging Out on New Year's Eve
after 12 years of marriage.

Now, I suffer from nearly all of the maladies described in the previous paragraph, not to mention being bald and overweight. Yet, somehow my wife has managed to not only put up with these shortcomings, but actually embraced the idea of me being a part of her life. She has told me my former wife and all three of my daughters, two of which are ours, and the oldest who may share more empathy with her stepmother than her father, have said they don’t know how she does it. Quite frankly, I don’t either, but I’m just grateful. Based on the observations of an outsider, I would venture a guess that most husbands with any sense recognize their good fortune and tread softly.

One does not have to follow the latest census data to know more couples choose to live together for long periods of time rather than get married. And, you have to have been hiding under a rock not to have noticed the uproar over the recent rulings in the Supreme Court regarding the rights of gay and lesbian couples to marry. It amazes me how some people think this change in the law will somehow diminish heterosexual marriage.

Celebrating our 28th anniversary  at C'est LaVie Restaurant
at Laguna Beach
 July 12, 2013

I just don’t get it. Take for example, the wonderful dinner we had earlier this evening with my sister and her husband, who celebrated their 16^th anniversary on the fourth. When we informed the waiter, and if you follow stereotypes you know they rank right behind hairdressers in terms of how many are gay, he said he had something special for us. No, it wasn’t a picture of his husband and him in front of a chapel in San Francisco. It was a slice of delicious cheesecake with a candle in it.

Let’s face it. If you’re not afraid of commitment, and you truly love someone, there is no better way to show it than by marrying him or her. Of course, it would be better if she or he agree. So, thank you Debbie for agreeing; and Happy Anniversary!

Let Freedom Ring

On this Fourth of July I wish to present some Independence Day quotations from five of our Founding Fathers. The quotes are accurate to the degree we trust brainyquote.com. All comments are meant to be satirical.

Lighting the way for those "yearning to be free."

It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a Free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even of his personal services to the defense of it.

George Washington

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_washington_3.html#DJE4E0IMOzajzKZ0.99

Sounds to me like George thought everyone owed the government some of their property. A few people might consider this socialism. Say it isn’t so, George.

We're all red, white and blue.

The essence of a free government consists in an effectual control of rivalries.

John Adams

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_adams_2.html#3QL1oSdGUc3E8QPj.99

Now, I know Adams and Jefferson were constant rivals, but it sounds like old John favored working things out to the kind of gridlock that grips Washington these days.

I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country.

Thomas Jefferson

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/t/thomas_jefferson.html#b14pDp4ru3b6qfR6.99

Long may she wave.

C’mon Tommy! You’ve got to be kidding. You mean even before Carnegie, Morgan, Ford, Rockefeller, Koch, Walton and Trump, there were power hungry corporations trying to manipulate the government?

Why has government been instituted at all? Because the passions of man will not conform to the dictates of reason and justice without constraint.

Alexander Hamilton

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alexander_hamilton.html#Epqi1XFedWsY2sm6.99

Easy, Al. Everyone who reads Hi Oh Silver is both reasonable and just. If Americans would just read this blog we’d have no need for government.

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.

Benjamin Franklin

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/benjaminfr138284.html#TIxybVKzwW0SfuAs.99

Ben is best remembered as the guy flying a kite in the rain in order to catch lightning in a jar. Think that’s the best way to catch happiness, too?

Cadillac, Golf and What’s Really Important

Is Eric Snowden a hero or a traitor? Will yet another attempt to reform our immigration system die in the House? Has the economy turned the corner? Did you find a new job before your unemployment ended? Does anyone know what George Zimmerman’s lawyer was trying to do when he started with a knock-knock joke? What do you think Kanye and Kim should name the baby? Can analysis be worthwhile? Is the theater really dead? (Special thanks to Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel for the last two questions.)

Practicing putting at Trump National Golf Course.
We know what is truly important.

Certainly, nothing is more important than what is happening in your life at this moment. That’s why I was so excited to have Cadillac back in my life on Monday. All right, maybe it’s more appropriate to say it’s in my brother’s life, because he’s the one who actually owns, or is it leases, the 2013 powder blue Cadillac CTS coupe. Sixteen years ago, I owned a 1972 cherry red Cadillac Eldorado convertible that Midwestern winters had turned into something Californians wish not to have exposed to their sensitive eyes. To make my brother feel more like part of the family,

Cadillac invited him to a golf clinic at the Trump National Golf Course in Rancho Palos Verdes, a secluded portion of the coast between Long Beach and Los Angeles. He was able to bring a guest, and was kind enough to choose his older male sibling.

A Cadillac on the golf course.
No, they didn't give them away as door prizes.

Neither of us had played golf in more than a year, but that was of little consequence. We closed his office at 9:15 AM and took the hour-long trip in Cadillac style. After registering, we each drove the new ATS model, which Cadillac designed to compete with the BMW 3 series. Not that it’s important, but it was by far the best handling Cadillac I have ever driven. (I’ll retract the qualifying clause if Cadillac wants to pay me for the endorsement.) Then, we had what Cadillac referred to as breakfast, an egg and cheese burrito with salsa and juice, but the two of us, early risers, considered lunch.

For the next hour we received a golf lesson from the clinic host, David Ledbetter and South African PGA tour player, Trevor Immelman, who won the Masters in 2008. (This may be a good time to note he beat Buick spokesman, Tiger Woods, by 3 strokes.) Our mouths definitely hung open as the young professional launched one perfect shot after another. He did acknowledge he was born into a golf family. Poor chap.

The last two hours of the clinic were spent going from one hole to the next, where the group received instruction in putting, driving, chipping and the use of hybrid clubs, before everyone took a turn practicing the lesson. When it came time to video each invitee’s swing on their drive, Neil and I were glad to let a few duffers go ahead of us.

The drive back to his office, where he decided to catch up on some work and I was glad I am retired, didn’t take any longer than the morning trip, despite increased traffic. Somehow, it doesn’t seem as long in a Cadillac. (I’ll take whatever GM is willing to pay me.) Later, I would discover I hadn’t properly coated my neckline with sunscreen and have lobster neck as a result. Small price to pay for doing what is really important—spending a day with your brother on an exclusive golf course, and allowing the luxury automobile company that he pays every month let us think we’re getting it all for free.  

Health Insurance Makes Me Sick

Truth in advertising?
These look like medical symbols.
They're not; they're insurance symbols.

Two words in the English vernacular that should never have been joined together are health and insurance. An industry that already found ways to detach people from their money by having them bet against their homes, businesses, automobiles and lives decided they could get people to bet against staying healthy. When premiums no longer provided the huge margin of profit the industry had grown to expect they started throwing curves at their customers. “Oh sorry, we can’t have you as a client, you are sick.”  If you weren’t so intimidated that you responded with, “But, that’s why I purchased your product in the first place,” you probably only received the retort, “However, you didn’t tell us about this latent tendency of yours, (insert here: diabetes, muscular dystrophy, Parkinson’s, et.al.); I’m afraid it’s a pre-existing condition.”

Now, as almost anyone reading this blog knows, the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare disallows the use of pre-existing condition as a method of refusing coverage. It’s still the big flaw with our supposed national healthcare plan: insurance. They’ll just jack the premiums and continue. Ever wonder why the World Health Organization (WHO) ranks the U.S. 38^th in quality of healthcare, but 1^st in per capita cost of healthcare? My answer: Insurance!

How much does this procedure cost?

Most people can tell you what their grocery bill and the gym cost them. I mention these items, because food and exercise are generally considered what keeps a person healthy. On the other hand, almost nobody knows what an MRI or gall bladder surgery costs. As with groceries and gym facilities there is some variance. However, recent investigations have found hospitals within a few miles radius charging ten times as much for the same procedure. Why didn’t the patient check? Unlike food and exercise, the medical world doesn’t tell you what something costs. They only tell you if your insurance will cover it. There it is, again. In the treatment portion of healthcare the consumer is not expected to ask for a menu, like in a restaurant, or a price list, as you might when your car is being repaired. All a patient/consumer needs is coverage and the ability to cover the deductible.

Can you decipher this bill?

Now, don’t get me wrong, under the current system I am grateful for the insurance plan I have. My good friend, Mike, tells me I have a Cadillac plan because I was a teacher. He may be right. For example, last month I finally realized I needed hearing aids and the audiologist told me my insurance company covered them completely. I was shocked, but then realized it was about the same amount as the 10 months of premiums we have been paying since we retired and have to pay the difference between the single plan provided retirees and the family plan we need.

For the past couple months I have been fighting with my insurance company to pay the pharmacy for my regular cholesterol medication. They fight with me every year because I found one that actually reduces its level. Unfortunately, the generic does not. So, my doctor has to give “prior authorization” every time. At times like these I’d prefer the Ford, Chevy or whatever model gets me results. Do you really think the government could screw it up any worse? Am I truly un-American because I don’t want the insurance company giving me a heart attack? If you’re an agent, go back to life, home or auto.  

My First Trip to Tahoe

Since we were already going north to Palo Alto for the bat mitzvah of my cousin’s second daughter, we decided to continue three and half hours to the east to Lake Tahoe. Deb was there with a girlfriend around thirty years ago. This was my first trip, although I did travel just to the north of it when I drove through Donner Pass on I-80 on my initial visit to California. We detoured off our route around the lake on Wednesday to see this amazing gap in the mountains through which these pioneers came with horse and wagon.

Debbie waits patiently for just the right moment
to capture another sunset.

Given ski season had ended and summer hadn’t truly struck yet, we were able to find a resort for an exceptionally good price. My sole purpose for this vacation was to kick back and enjoy myself. Sitting on the beach, eating at some of the fine dining places nearby, and reading a good book were on my agenda. Finding beautiful sunsets, and there were a lot to be found at this gorgeous Alpine lake surrounded by snow-capped mountains, was all I needed to keep my wife happy.

Sunday, we slalomed in the car down Ski Run Boulevard and parked in the lot next to Riva’s Grill, so we wouldn’t have to pay for valet parking. Then, Deb wandered out onto the pier to capture the first of many orange and pink hued sunsets.

Actual chair and desk where Samuel Clemens
became the author Mark Twain
sits next to his portrait.

Monday morning we went to the vendor presentation session our resort sponsored and won a two for one trip to Virginia City that we took today. I am a huge fan of Mark Twain, and he started his writing career in this mining town. We also had the opportunity to ride a train through the Comstock Lode, get a free drink at the Delta Saloon and see the Suicide Table, which was retired after three gamblers on separate occasions took their lives after losing everything while playing at this particular furnishing. While it rained Monday, Deb was still able to capture some sunsets from the roof of our resort.

Tuesday, we hiked to see a magnificent lake off the southern tip of Tahoe. Our concierge pointed us to the more secluded body of water and the waterfalls at its far end. We saw a second falls that spills into Tahoe and Inspiration Point that overlooks Emerald Bay. In the evening we dined at Beacon Café at Camp Richardson. The coupon we had for a free appetizer provided us with a mouth-watering ceviche. Even though there is no direct view of the sun setting, our waiter assured us the reflections on the water would be worth waiting to see. He definitely undersold the sensational way Mother Nature brushed colors across the sky and surface of the lake that night.

Even I with my point and shoot iPhone
couldn't screw up such a beautiful sunset
at Zephyr Cove of Lake Tahoe.

As previously noted, we drove around the lake on Wednesday. For anyone who has ever had to deal with a spouse that is permanently attached to a camera I need not say how many vista points, or anything remotely resembling a possible point of interest, we had to stop to examine. Now, for those who have grown tired of this post because it is mainly travelogue and lacks satire I am posting this photograph of Zephyr Cove. Although, we passed it up on Wednesday, because Deb didn’t want to pay eight dollars for parking, due to technological advances in the digital age I’m able to post this sunset that was taken tomorrow, Friday, June 14.