Thursday, February 28, 2013

Slash the Budget, Don’t Sequester It



For the past couple weeks, and months before, the headlines have been filled with a discussion of how Congress has set up a plan to put automatic cross-the-board cuts into effect on Friday, March 1, 2013. In typical fashion the members of Congress are whining about how the other party is to blame. To make matters worse they gave it one of the worst sounding names possible, sequestration. So, how much are they cutting? We’re talking a whopping $85 billion. Sounds like how much a guy like Bill Gates is worth. Why don’t they just ask him to cover it. Sure beats whining.

Stop the whining!
In reality it doesn’t amount to much. At today’s over-inflated costs the government can barely scrape by with a couple dozen fighter jets, a few aircraft carriers, and maybe one wing of the Pentagon or a few CIA outposts for that pittance. On the domestic scene, eliminate funding university research on such useless programs as a cure for cancer or diabetes, or refuse to provide military pensions. But, the question really shouldn’t be what to cut. That’s just too whimpy.

We need to slash the budget of every section of government throughout the land. Face it, the idea of government as a force for good was something dreamt up by an Ivy League professor to give his students something to fret over at a symposium he billed to the government. Let’s face it, we would all be a lot better off without Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. A few years without those bills and we could start to pay off some of that $16 trillion in debt. Sell a few of those National Parks to the Chinese or Indians and we might not have to worry about what to slash.

The few, the proud, the Arnamaforce.
Actually, I am quite sure instead of looking to cut a mere $85 billion from the current budget, Congress should look for ways to run the whole government for $85 billion. As a retired teacher I have come to realize my friends who say public education is a complete waste actually make sense. Eliminate public education. The rich will always find someone to teach their kids, and if the poor want their kids to learn they can track down an out of work teacher at minimum wage.

Scalpel, not axe...get it?
Without a doubt we can do with a smaller military. What’s with all those branches? Think of all the money that could be saved if we just sent all of them to one academy. Every one knows the Army-Navy game is about as boring as it gets, and they know once they graduate they’re supposed to be on the same side anyway. The rivalry is just avoiding the inevitable. Considering how many out of work military officers there would be once resources were consolidated the opportunity to run the whole program efficiently for about $20 billion seems reasonable.

Now, I know that many people think that what I have outlined here by slashing the budget will create catastrophic problems for many who cannot adapt to these austere measures. Some cling to President Obama’s metaphor of using a scalpel instead of an axe to make intelligent decisions regarding what to cut. But, look where intelligent decisions have taken us. It’s time to slash!    

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Christopher Dorner is Still Alive


 Conspiracy theorists have united behind what they see as another rush to judgment in the reporting of the demise of suspected killer Christopher Jordan Dorner. After posting his “manifesto” online as a way to vindicate his dismissal from the Los Angeles Police Department, he allegedly shot and killed two people in Irvine, a police officer in Riverside, and a San Bernardino sheriff’s deputy. His ten day rampage supposedly came to an end when he barricaded himself inside a cabin in the San Bernardino mountains; law enforcement fired tear gas into the structure that caught on fire; a single gunshot was heard; and a body was recovered after the building burned to the ground.

Members of conspiratorial movements on both the left and right have wasted no time in citing the lack of proof that this case is truly over. Old timers note how the Supreme Court whitewashed the Kennedy assassination with the Warren Commission findings back in the middle of the last century. Of course those on the right quickly point out how the current administration continues to hide the actual birthplace of the president. Fingerprints, birth certificates and dental records aside, all of these theories provide alarmists with much to be concerned about whether or not there is any validity to them.

As a citizen living in Southern California within an hour drive of where this carnage took place, and having watched live on local television the standoff at the cabin unfold, I must admit it was a relief when the announcement of the body being found was reported. Then, two days later to hear authorities confirm it was Dorner’s body brought a sigh of relief. However, when one longtime conspiracy theorist pointed out the inaccuracies of the live reporting it brought into question the reporting of his death. For example, as we watched aerial shots of the woods and cabin in the mountains the reporters kept saying Dorner tied up a maid and her daughter and stole their white or silver pickup. Turns out he actually bound up the couple who owned the place in Big Bear where he had hid for several days while they were away. He took their purple Nissan, and didn’t get the pickup until he carjacked it later. Where did the maid story come from? How did they miss the purple car? Is Christopher Dorner really dead?

So, what if you are a rational thinking person and accept that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone and the president was born in Honolulu? You probably want to know what would motivate anyone to conceal the truth. This same source says it is most likely the right wing attempting to hide the incompetence of law enforcement agencies. She thinks it might have gone as far as finding him a place to disappear to in some clandestine Nazi hideout in Argentina, in order to restore economic prosperity to the ski resort community.

Those who posit the cover up theory on the right point out it was the left wing media who kept alluding to portions of his manifesto as a need for further gun control. Dorner was apparently amazed at the ease with which a deranged individual, such as himself, could purchase so many guns and large quantities of ammunition. His death, according to gun advocates who adhere to strong conspiratorial beliefs and are certain the president comes from Kenya, makes his manifesto a kind of martyred testimony for the left.

Bolt your doors tonight. Sleep with your gun under your pillow, because even if you’re just the second cousin twice removed of someone responsible for Dorner’s dismissal from the LAPD you are still at risk as long as he is still out there.  

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Give Your Sweetheart a Gun for Valentine’s Day




Don’t waste your time with overly sentimental greeting cards that are read once and thrown away, or flowers that whither and die, or chocolate that puts on unwanted pounds. No, its time to show that special someone you really care. Get her that snug little automatic she can slide into her handbag and him one of those solidly crafted assault rifles to hang in the cab of his truck. Of course, if you’re worried she might slit your throat with the stiletto her not-so-ex-boyfriend gave her for her birthday, because you’re not being politically correct, you might give her a monogrammed AR-15 to tuck in the backseat of her Mustang.

Expressing your love and affection with the last line of defense against an increasingly malevolent world, not only shows the level of your care and concern but leaves your lover know you are not afraid to assert your second amendment rights.  After all there is a special allure to an individualist willing to stand up to those wusses in Washington. A true patriot knows our Forefathers never intended to make us weak and dependent upon some civil servant with a badge.

One of the great advantages of giving a gun as a gift is the opportunity it provides to accessorize. Just think of all the future presents you will be able to give to the proud gun owner. There are so many possibilities. From the sleek leather holsters, to the sturdy woven straps, as well as some impressive looking ammunition belts. A most popular extra, which some bleeding-heart liberals want to take away from law-abiding citizens because a few mentally unstable weirdoes went on a rampage, is the high-capacity clip.  Actually, now that I think about it, why don’t you just include the high-capacity clip with your gift this Valentine’s Day as a statement to the world about how you feel about the invasion on your right to put as many holes as you think necessary to stop the creep.
If you really want to make a romantic impression you might consider purchasing a joint membership in the National Rifle Association.   Such a sign of solidarity would compliment your gift exquisitely. After all, it was David Keene, President of the NRA, who said,  “The AR-15 is the musket of today.”  Or, as the great American rock star, Ted Nugent, put it, “Would you leave us the hell alone? Go after the nut jobs, go after the murderers, because I don’t know any.” Now, there’s something to say the next time some sicko tries to make you feel responsible for a bunch of dead kids in Connecticut just because you own a gun.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Satire to Fill New Edition of Hi Oh Silver 

Welcome to the new edition of Hi Oh Silver. In July, 2010, I stopped writing my original blog and began writing Hi Oh Silver. My original blog, Every Step of the Way, was an attempt to tell my life story. If you want to know more about my early years from toddling to teen you can still visit the website http://look-for-the-silver-lining.blogspot.com
As the readers who followed me from Every Step of the Way to Hi Oh Silver can attest I attempted to keep a sense of humor about everything. However, as I wandered further and further away from the subject with which I am most comfortable, me, I became increasingly serious and dull. Most of the responses I was receiving were spam. Finally, in December, 2012, I just stopped blogging. If you wish to visit the original Hi Oh Silver you can still visit the website, at least for the next few months---until Go Daddy takes it down.
So, how will the new Hi Oh Silver be different than the original version. Well, in addition to returning to the wonderful Blogspot  community, all posts will be SATIRE. According to my iPhone dictionary  satire is a literary genre that uses irony, sarcasm, ridicule, and the like, to expose, denounce, deride human vice and folly. In other words, I'm going to have fun with the subject, whatever it is, and never take it too seriously. Hopefully, you'll have fun with it too, find a smile or two each week, and become a follower of Hi Oh Silver.

Look for my first satirical post this Thursday. Oh, that's Valentine's Day. Now, isn't that special?