IT’S OFFICIAL: “We’ve turned the corner”

"Turned the corner? I think we're going to fall off the edge."

According to a reliable source whose anonymity I am sworn to uphold, based on everything that is sacred in the land of journalism, and nearly everyone who has ever been on the Internet regards blogging as serious journalism, it has been confirmed that it can be stated somewhat unequivocally and certainly officially, “We’ve turned the corner.” Of course, that leads all skeptics and some with less inquisitiveness than a baby rhinoceros on a hot day to inquire in good faith just where exactly were we when we turned the corner. Given the wide range of perspective associated with those who regularly scan the blogosphere, the number of individuals who randomly stumble upon these features while searching for exotic cuisine or easy to prepare after a long day at the office meals, and the occasional discriminating former leftist now critically informed right wing talk radio listener or fascist recently enlightened to the essence of peaceful sustainability by a nineteen year old with a tattoo strategically placed above the backside of her jeans shorts that reads, “the best things in life are free,” it would appear we were approximately seven degrees north and twenty-four degrees east of where we started.

I don't see any corners. Seems like we just keep
going around in circles.

Now, knowing what kinds of law suits can transpire given the litigious nature of both the loosey-goosey lopsided lunatic liberalism of leftist commies and the rootin’-tootin’ ridiculous rancorous robotic conservatism of the neo-Nazi radical right, it is under advisement of counsel with all due speed my sponsors insist upon their full recognition of disclaimer. Don’t tell me you didn’t see that coming.

So, you think we've turned the corner, do you?

However, quite honestly my regards for clarity have prompted me to leave the comfort of my well-fortified abode and head straight into the eye of the storm to garner a reasonable explanation of the exact parameters whereby readers of this blog may ascertain a reasonable, if not definitive assessment of where we are. Over the course of the past four weeks my readers have come to know my trusted plumeria with its delicious fragrance, my daughter, the lawyer, who turned two score and seven two weeks ago and would probably refer out any law suit filed against me unless it has to do with filing a worker’s compensation claim, and my youngest child who traveled to Southern California from her sweltering home in Tucson, Arizona to pretend to enjoy the company of her parents at the county fair but really to gorge herself on sushi with the aforementioned sister. With all this in mind, I think it is only fair to step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

Having gone outside and into the street, carefully scanning the sixteen homes that line both sides, it is safe to conclude anyone entering has, in fact, turned the corner. It might also be noted all residents are gainfully employed, retired, or living off substantial savings. Given this preponderance of substantially significant information one can safely within an adequate margin of error reliably conclude the aforementioned change has taken place, but then you are required to rely upon someone who lives in a cul de sac.