Wall Street: The New High

For some people just looking at the chart gets them high.

So back in college what was your choice? Jack? Jim? Jose? Or, did you get high with Mary? Well, say good-bye to Mr. Daniels, Mr. Beam, Mr. Cuervo, and even the famed Miss Jane, because there’s a new kid in town, and his name is Jones. That’s right Jones, Mr. Dow Jones. No more tossing it back, sucking on a lemon or toking till your lungs burn, just a few hits on the investment line and you’ll be flying.

Tuesday the Stock Exchange rumbled with excitement as the Dow Jones smashed into the stratosphere at 14,253.77 at the end of the day completely divorcing itself from reality. In the five years since the previous high the nation plummeted into the worst recession since the crash of 1929 and the Great Depression. Despite collapsing to less than half of Tuesday’s record mark just four years ago and electing a Democrat president twice in the interim, the market defied all logic to bring their investors this new delirious high. One trader on the floor was heard to say the rush he experienced was better than meth and smack combined.

What a thrill? It's like traveling back to the future in my DeLorean.

As the nation mired in a recovery inching along with unemployment just leveling off, a real estate market fighting to come back, prices at the pump soaring and a completely incapacitated government the news from Wall Street really surprised nobody. One small businessman in lower Manhattan, only blocks from the trading floor, claimed the suits in that place have been tripping for some time. He figured it was from the government infusion Goldman Sachs and others received a few years ago. When asked about the government intervention one trader with a bewildered look claimed it was only petty cash, less than a trillion.

One source, a psychoanalyst with a foundation that maps trends in consumer behavior, considered the high on Wall Street, at least in part, was related to the surge in gambling in general. No longer does one have to venture to Las Vegas or Atlantic City or one of those guilt-liberating Indian Casinos to get the rush of risking money on what always appears to be a sure winner. Now, even soccer moms can sit down in front of their computers and use Charles Schwab or E Trade (out of the mouths of babes; who knew?) to put their money down on what based on Tuesday’s results is practically a no brainer.

Some traders became so high they were caught doing the Harlem Shake.

While many suburbanites are fighting to get back into the workplace or struggling to make do on smaller salaries for longer hours, a few lucky ones spin their wheels of fortune on Wall Street nearly every day. Being a part of this surreal experience gives these investors a chance to let their freak flags fly claimed our source.  One formerly homeless investor, who referred to himself as The Profit, an obviously fictional name he had emblazoned on his T-shirt with a dollar sign featured at the top of the P, stated he found the buzz he got from investing was better than cheap wine and pitching pennies. He said the blow he was able to afford these days not only was better than anything he could find on the street, but made his head clearer, so he can continue to pick winners.