Take My Wife… Please

Still looking ahead to the next anniversary.

The most well known line of the master of one-liners, Henny Youngman, was, “Take my wife…please.” It drew a laugh every time he delivered it, even though Youngman was married to the same woman for 58 years. While his craft was considered comedy, many of his lines, like the one above, deserve a seat in the world of satire.  If he and Sadie were anything like Debbie and I, who will celebrate our 28^th wedding anniversary tomorrow, they would be lost without each other.

For as long as I can remember, and probably long before that, wives, and for that matter, husbands, have been the fodder of nearly every comedian. Endless jokes about bad breath, body odor, flatulence, dirty laundry, saggy breasts and bellies, butt cracks, and other embarrassing phenomenon are told about spouses. Based upon the ridicule heaped upon marriage it is amazing the divorce rate isn’t higher.

Hanging Out on New Year's Eve
after 12 years of marriage.

Now, I suffer from nearly all of the maladies described in the previous paragraph, not to mention being bald and overweight. Yet, somehow my wife has managed to not only put up with these shortcomings, but actually embraced the idea of me being a part of her life. She has told me my former wife and all three of my daughters, two of which are ours, and the oldest who may share more empathy with her stepmother than her father, have said they don’t know how she does it. Quite frankly, I don’t either, but I’m just grateful. Based on the observations of an outsider, I would venture a guess that most husbands with any sense recognize their good fortune and tread softly.

One does not have to follow the latest census data to know more couples choose to live together for long periods of time rather than get married. And, you have to have been hiding under a rock not to have noticed the uproar over the recent rulings in the Supreme Court regarding the rights of gay and lesbian couples to marry. It amazes me how some people think this change in the law will somehow diminish heterosexual marriage.

Celebrating our 28th anniversary  at C'est LaVie Restaurant
at Laguna Beach
 July 12, 2013

I just don’t get it. Take for example, the wonderful dinner we had earlier this evening with my sister and her husband, who celebrated their 16^th anniversary on the fourth. When we informed the waiter, and if you follow stereotypes you know they rank right behind hairdressers in terms of how many are gay, he said he had something special for us. No, it wasn’t a picture of his husband and him in front of a chapel in San Francisco. It was a slice of delicious cheesecake with a candle in it.

Let’s face it. If you’re not afraid of commitment, and you truly love someone, there is no better way to show it than by marrying him or her. Of course, it would be better if she or he agree. So, thank you Debbie for agreeing; and Happy Anniversary!