Three Strikes and No Sex…It’s a Winner

"You heard me. Roll up your sleeves and get to work."

Hate to say it, but it took two TV celebrities to point out what should have been obvious to any thinking individual in the first place. A year ago when Mitt Romney emerged as the inevitable winner of the Republican nomination and Barack Obama was still reeling from his 2010 shellacking at the hands of the Tea Party, it looked like the clean cut Latter Day Saint would replace the first African-American president. But, “Yo, yo, wait a minute dawg,” as Randy Jackson, 12 year veteran judge of American Idol stated, “He’s in it to win it!” This point became amazingly clear in November, when the President swept back into office for his second term. However, it was Jay Leno, someone Conan can tell you knows a thing or two about sweeping back into office that pointed out that Obama is probably the first politician to be facing 3 scandals and none of them involve sex.

"So, with all your money you couldn't just buy your way in?"

Leno, who just happened to have former candidate Romney as his guest that night, can now retire in peace. So, let’s break it down. The first scandal, Darrel Issa, a California congressman, and FOX news, the Republican network, attempted to use to bring down Obama before his re-election. It involves something called “Talking Points.” Apparently, the word spin is out of fashion. Issa and FOX keep building the story of how poorly protected the embassy in Benghazi was, but it’s not a winner because the President said right away he wanted to get to the bottom of why Ambassador Stevens and three others were killed. Now, the question has become whether the President called the act terrorism soon enough, or did he orchestrate a demonstration in Egypt over an anti-Islamic video circulating on the Internet, which was already a talking point when Stevens was killed.

Then, there is the matter of the IRS not granting tax-exempt status to some Tea Party organizations. Come on, the biggest tax collector is supposed to do favors for an anti-tax group. Even the President voiced his outrage at this one. After all, he doesn’t want his tax-exempt groups scrutinized unfairly when his party is out of office. This is truly idiotic. Why give any of these groups that proliferate those horrendous political ads across our television, computer and even smartphone screens tax-exempt status?

Third, the question arises as to when it is all right for the government to investigate the investigators. A free press is a must in a free society. However, one not need subscribe to any conspiracy theory or watch too many FBI, CIA or Homeland Security movies and television programs to realize journalists can be spies, too. Of course, if I found out one of these creeps bugged a conversation I was having with my 85-year-old mother I would feel violated, too. I’d also laugh my head off thinking about the agent trying to make sense of such a conversation. I have to wonder if Eric Holder’s mother might not think her son could find a better job.

"Don't worry, honey. I've got your back."

Finally, the matter of sex had to come up. Everyone remembers Weiner’s junk, Spitzer’s high priced call girls, and Monica. Obviously there is no rational explanation for this behavior, thus the term dickhead. Although she has often been maligned as a relentless proponent of all her husband does, Michelle, is without a doubt the most smokin’ First Lady since Jackie took us for a stroll through the White House and every ounce as tough as Nancy in the red dress. Say no more.